I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize