I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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