There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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