i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
