wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
