that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
