He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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