somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
North Korea, Best Korea!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
