so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You may now shotgun with the bride
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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