My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
