drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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