smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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