im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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