I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
