I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
