there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
