Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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