dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
