I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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