On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
