The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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