Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Shame is for Republicans.
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