k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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