He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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