We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I am in a vortex of obligation.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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