That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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