I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
