He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
