Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize