you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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