Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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