i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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