Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
