Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
