RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
