think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
