I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
