I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
