she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
