I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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