How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
