I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize