so that wasnt chicken after all
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
