We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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