just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
