My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
