I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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