We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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