It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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