For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
