I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
where are my eyebrows?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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