Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
