Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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