Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize
