Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
