Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Randomize
