You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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