New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We left the knife in your bed.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
