my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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