I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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