i just had sex bonerless
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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