Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
