was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
