gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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