I don't think brook has ever known best
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
