I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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