She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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