Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
