is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
