She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
