I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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