By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
