I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize