It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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