All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize